Part One: Fundamental Techniques in Handling Parents
Chapter 1: If You Want Extra Screen Time, Don't Have a Tantrum
PRINCIPLE 1:
Don't whine, throw tantrums, or blame your siblings
Have you ever noticed how quickly parents say "Absolutely not!" when you start stomping your feet or wailing at the top of your lungs? It's like they have a special "tantrum detector" that automatically activates their "NO" button!
The Tale of Two Approaches
Let me tell you about my friend Max. Max really, REALLY wanted to stay up late to watch the new superhero movie that was premiering on a school night. When his mom said no, he tried his usual strategy: throw himself on the floor, kick his legs wildly, and scream "BUT IT'S NOT FAIR!" at a volume that could probably be heard in the next neighborhood.
Did it work? Not even a little bit! In fact, his mom not only stood firm on the bedtime rule but also added, "And with that behavior, you won't be watching it this weekend either."
Double fail!
Now, let's look at what happened with Olivia. She wanted the exact same thing—to stay up late for the movie. But instead of having a meltdown, she took a deep breath when she felt disappointed. She simply said, "I understand it's a school night. Maybe we could record it and I could watch it this weekend?"
Guess what? Her parents were so impressed with her mature response that they compromised: "You can watch half tonight and half tomorrow if you're in bed by 8:30."
The difference between Max and Olivia wasn't luck. It was strategy!
Why Tantrums Backfire Every Single Time
Parents have a secret: when you throw a tantrum, they actually become MORE determined not to give you what you want. Why? Because they don't want to teach you that screaming and crying is how to get things in life.
Think about it from their perspective. If they give in when you have a meltdown, what are they teaching you? That whenever you want something, all you need to do is throw yourself on the floor and scream until they surrender. No parent wants to create that monster!
Parent Secret #1:
Tantrums make parents feel like bad parents. When other grown-ups see a kid having a meltdown in public, they often give the parents that "can't you control your child?" look. Parents HATE that look. So when you throw a fit, especially in public, you're basically guaranteeing a "no."
The Blame Game: Another Losing Strategy
"But Mom! It's not fair! Sophia got to stay up late last week!"
"Dad! It wasn't my fault! Jake was the one who started it!"
Sound familiar? Blaming others—whether it's your siblings, friends, or even your parents—is another strategy that almost never works.
When you point fingers at others, parents hear one thing: you're not taking responsibility. And guess what parents love more than almost anything? Kids who take responsibility for their actions!
What Actually Works: The Calm and Reasonable Approach
So if tantrums and blame don't work, what does? Here's your four-step plan for getting what you want without the drama:
- Stay calm, even when you feel like exploding inside. Take three deep breaths if you need to!
- Use your "grown-up voice" (you know, the one that doesn't sound whiny or angry).
- Show understanding of their position. "I know it's a school night" or "I understand you're worried about too much screen time" works wonders.
- Suggest a reasonable compromise. "What if I finish my homework first?" or "Could I have 15 extra minutes today if I read for 30 minutes afterward?"
Real-Life Success Stories
Ethan's Video Game Victory
Nine-year-old Ethan really wanted a new video game that had just been released. Instead of begging and pleading when his mom said they couldn't afford it right now, he calmly asked, "Would it be possible for me to do some extra chores to earn part of the money? I could also use some of my birthday money from Grandma."
His mom was so impressed with his mature approach that she agreed to match whatever he saved. Two weeks later, Ethan was playing his new game!
Lily's Ice Cream Win
Seven-year-old Lily wanted to have ice cream before dinner (don't we all?). When her dad said no, instead of pouting or arguing, she smiled and said, "Okay, Dad. I'll eat a good dinner first. But could we have ice cream for dessert tonight? I helped clean up my room without being asked today."
Her dad, impressed with both her acceptance of the initial "no" and her reminder of her good behavior, agreed to ice cream after dinner.
The Parent Psychology Secret
Here's something most kids don't realize: Parents are actually LOOKING for reasons to say yes to you. They don't enjoy saying no all the time! But they need to feel like they're making good parenting decisions.
When you stay calm and reasonable, you make it easier for them to say yes without feeling like they're being manipulated or giving in to bad behavior.
Your Tantrum-Free Challenge
This week, try this experiment: No matter how frustrated you feel when a parent says no to something you want, don't whine, don't throw a tantrum, and don't blame others. Instead, stay calm, show understanding, and suggest a reasonable alternative.
Keep track of how many times this approach works versus how many times your old strategies worked. I bet you'll be surprised at the difference!
Remember: The kid who stays calm gets the cookie. The kid who throws a fit just gets sent to their room.