Part One: Fundamental Techniques in Handling Parents
Chapter 2: The Big Secret of Getting What You Want
PRINCIPLE 2:
Give honest and sincere compliments to your parents
Have you ever noticed how your teacher smiles when someone says they like her new haircut? Or how your best friend beams with pride when you say their science project is awesome? Well, guess what? Parents are people too, and they LOVE to be appreciated just as much as anyone else!
In fact, I'm about to share one of the biggest secrets in the kid universe: Parents who feel appreciated are WAY more likely to say "yes" to what you want.
A Tale of Two Approaches
Let me introduce you to two kids with very different approaches. First, there's Zack. When Zack wants something—like going to his friend's house on a weeknight—he usually starts with, "Can I go to Tyler's? PLEASE? All my friends get to go places on school nights! You never let me do anything fun!"
How do you think that works out for Zack? If you guessed "not well," you're absolutely right! His mom usually responds with something like, "The answer is no, and that attitude isn't helping your case."
Now, let's look at Mia's approach. Last week, Mia really wanted to go to her friend's house on a Tuesday night. But instead of demanding or complaining, she waited until after dinner when she noticed her dad had cooked a really tasty meal.
"Dad, this spaghetti is amazing! You always make the sauce just right. Thanks for cooking dinner even though you had a long day at work."
Her dad smiled, feeling genuinely appreciated. Later that evening, when Mia asked if she could go to her friend's house to work on their science project together, her dad was much more receptive. "Well, it is a school night... but since you've been so responsible lately, I think it would be okay if you're back by 8:30."
The difference? Mia made her dad feel good BEFORE asking for something. But—and this is super important—her compliment was REAL. She actually did love his spaghetti!
The Magic of Sincere Appreciation
Parent Alert!
Parents can spot a fake compliment from a mile away. If you suddenly start saying, "Wow Mom, your hair looks AMAZING today! Can I have $20?" they'll see right through it.
The key word here is SINCERE. That means you need to find things you genuinely appreciate about your parents and let them know.
Think about it: Parents do A LOT for us kids. They:
- Cook our meals
- Drive us everywhere
- Buy our clothes
- Help with homework
- Work hard to pay for our stuff
- Clean up after us (even though they're always telling us to clean up after ourselves!)
Yet most of the time, we don't even notice these things—we just expect them. When was the last time you actually thanked your mom for doing your laundry? Or told your dad you appreciated him fixing your bike?
How to Give Compliments That Don't Sound Fake
The best compliments are:
- Specific: Instead of "You're nice," try "Thanks for taking me to the park yesterday even though you were tired."
- Timely: Say it when it happens, not just when you want something.
- Genuine: Only compliment things you really mean!
- About effort: Parents love when you notice they tried hard at something.
Great Compliments for Parents:
"Mom, thanks for making my lunch every day. I noticed you put in those cookies I like."
"Dad, you're really patient when you help me with math homework. It makes it easier to learn."
"I like how you always listen to my stories about school, even when they're really long."
"Thanks for driving me to soccer practice twice a week. I know it's out of your way."
The Compliment Experiment
Jamal's Week of Appreciation
Nine-year-old Jamal decided to try an experiment. For one whole week, he would find at least one thing each day to sincerely compliment his parents about. He wouldn't ask for anything special that week—he just wanted to see what would happen.
On Monday, he thanked his mom for ironing his favorite shirt.
On Tuesday, he told his dad he thought it was cool how he could fix things around the house.
On Wednesday, he mentioned how he liked the way his mom always checked in on him before bed.
By Thursday, something interesting happened. His parents seemed... happier. They were smiling more. And when Jamal asked if he could have a friend over on Friday, they said yes without hesitation!
The best part? By the end of his experiment, Jamal realized he actually felt happier too. Looking for good things to compliment made him notice all the nice things his parents did that he usually took for granted.
The Appreciation Boomerang Effect
Here's another secret: When you start appreciating your parents, they start appreciating YOU more too! It's like throwing a boomerang of good feelings that comes right back to you.
Sophia's Lunch Surprise
Eight-year-old Sophia started telling her mom how much she loved the creative lunches she packed. Within a week, she noticed her mom was putting in extra special treats and little notes. Sophia hadn't even asked for these things—they just started happening because her appreciation made her mom want to do even more nice things for her!
What NOT to Do
Remember, this isn't about manipulation. Don't:
- Give a compliment and immediately ask for something
- Only compliment when you want something
- Make up compliments about things you don't really appreciate
- Go overboard with too many compliments at once (parents have good "phony detectors")
Your Appreciation Challenge
This week, try to notice at least three things your parents do that you genuinely appreciate, and tell them specifically what you noticed and why you appreciate it. Don't ask for anything in return—just watch what happens to the overall mood in your house.
Keep a secret log of how your parents react. Do they smile more? Do they seem more relaxed around you? Are they more likely to say yes when you do eventually ask for something?
Remember: Parents are people too. They work hard, they get tired, and sometimes they feel like nobody notices all they do. When you become the kid who notices and appreciates them, you become the kid they want to say "yes" to!